The transformation of a woman into mother seems to be ever-unfolding, infinite in depth, and with the purpose of unlocking the wisdom necessary for caring for a new human being. For me this has meant the surfacing of all immaturity and shedding light upon the dark places where my "personality" is not aligned with my greater purpose. It hasn't always been elegant and at times feels that I am being completely unraveled. This is important. The courage to give in to this release of control and allow for the process to unfold has shown me great insight into how to be a Mother.
Moments where my attention is being called in ten different directions at one time, my bladder is full, and I'm hungry. What do I address first? Nothing. I pause, breathe, connect to the infinite space within and around me and do not proceed until I know. The knowing comes naturally and easily when I am connected to my breath. I scoop up my squirming son, take him into the bathroom with me to release my bladder ( I told you it wasn't always pretty) and then proceed to feed myself. I realize that my needs as a human being must also be met in order for me to show up to my Son in a grounded, clear, and compassionate way. I am not doing anyone any favors by getting spun out on caffeine or skimping on sleep. It is with greater understanding that I perceive the benefit of healthfulness as I am being asked to show up awake, alert, and aware at all moments as the guardian for a new life.
This is transforming me from girl to woman. I am growing out of my self-centered ways and learning to give unconditionally with love. It is a process that is simply happening to me, rather than something I am working towards. Each moment offers me an opportunity to grow, to learn, to expand, to let go, and to transform. Yet another gift of becoming a Mother, a deep soul cleanse and exponential self growth.